“I went through the city, realizing for the first time in my life how good are all the people in the world and how much value they have in the sight of God” — Thomas Merton, The Sign of Jonas, p. 92

“The Lord looks down from heaven upon us all to see if there is any who are wise, if there are any who seek after God. Every one has proved faithless, all alike have turned bad; there is none who does good, no, not one. — Psalm 14: 1-3

This is my little prayer grove where I sometimes say my morning office. In the quiet corner beside some big and beautiful bougainvillea (quiet, at least, when the A/C unit on the other side of the wall is not running) there is a beauty and tranquility of God’s creation that expresses itself whenever a welcome breeze stirs its branches or the trees nearby, or bird sounds fill the air. Today I found myself contemplating the state of the world, with these competing views of humankind occupying my thoughts. So which is it, I thought - Merton’s positive sentiments from his street corner experience, or the faithless, wicked, and perverse world as expressed by the Psalmist? Or is this a question without an answer?

Perhaps it’s a question of whether one sees the glass as half full or half empty?

Me, I think I used to be a half-full glass kind of guy who saw the world as everyone’s oyster, that if one worked long enough and hard enough goodness would always triumph over evil. But I don’t think that way so much any more. Now it seems to me more than anything else that the ones who get ahead are the ones who have perfected the art of kissing ass, or bullshitting, or sucking up, or those who talk in big flowery phrases but never really say anything, or those who can “stay on message”, or those for whom the only thing that matters is the bottom line. And I think everyone of us knows someone who fits that characterization.

And then, Merton’s words aside, the fact is that there are people in the world who are truly evil - those with no redeeming value whatsoever, those who seemingly only exist to make others’ lives miserable, or to damage or destroy people physically, psychologically, or spiritually. I think of my former brother-in law who has spun a web of deceit and psychological and physical abuse around my sister-in-law from which she’ll never escape. Or Islamic fundamentalists who strap on bomb vests and detonate themselves in crowded marketplaces or on buses, or kill innocents simply to make a political statement. I think of people who celebrate when conservative columnist Robert Novak announces his retirement due to a brain tumor. Or people who take advantage of the elderly or the sick or the less-than-well-to-do, or who prey upon the vulnerable. Sure, people have been bemoaning the state of things since the beginning of time (I mean, look at the Psalmist’s words) but there’s something else going on here - a darkness that seems to be encroaching upon everything that truly makes me fear for this country and the world. I mourn the loss of this country’s soul and the increasing vulgarity, mean-spiritedness, and coarseness of our culture. Not to mention the devaluation of human life seemingly everywhere in the world.

And yet, you can see good in the smallest of ways - you just have to be awake to it and respond to it whenever you see it. I think of this one elderly gentleman who works down at the local Fry’s. Like many of the stores nowadays you have a greeter who stands at the door to say hello or “thanks for shopping with us”, or to check your sales slip if the transporter thing you walk through engages and threatens to ship you off to some unknown latitude and longitude. This particular Fry’s has several people on this task, but it’s only this one gentleman who’s always smiling, who always recognizes you when you walk in, who always says “Have a great day!” as if he means it no matter how many people are coming and going at the time. He’s not a “HEY HOW ARE YA!” kind of a guy; he does it quietly, often wordlessly - but he always makes you feel good.

So I don’t know. People like him seem to be few and far between. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’ve gone back to church, and a church where the sacramental Presence of Our Lord is so central to worship. Even though I don’t receive communion, to simply be in the Lord’s Presence and cross myself with a little holy water helps, I think, to infuse my soul with the sacred armor of grace and help keep the inner and outer demons if not away, at least at a fairly safe distance.

Before I start, keep in mind that, as much as the music and the new music director at St. Anne Cathlic Church turns me off, it nevertheless is and was the first Roman Catholic church I attended regularly and therefore serves as the context from which I review the churches in the upcoming weeks …

I attended Holy Cross Church today and don’t see it as a good fit as a place I can worship God on a regular basis. This may sound harsh, but it has as much to do with the architecture and demographics as anything else. Was the Mass well done? Yes. Was the music suitable for the occasion (i.e., tasteful, without being overwhelming and distracting)? Absolutely. The priest’s sermon? Excellent, I thought. But if you don’t mind me saying, given the low ceiling, the rec hall feel to the worship space, and the large elderly population in attendence (in this way the parish website certainly wasn’t kidding!), I couldn’t help but feel I was attending Wednesday night Bingo in some central Florida location. When the priest mentioned during his comments the rash of funerals he had officiated at lately, I looked around me and wasn’t surprised - I’m 52 and felt like I was the youngest one there!

I’ll say this for St. Anne Catholic Church - I appreciate the diversity of the congregation and the large number of young families that worship there. And I love the modern technology they have employed there. I like not having to use a book and see what we are singing projected on the walls in front of us. It’s cool. It’s convenient. It’s hip. And more than anything else, it allows one to simply sing! from one’s heart instead of flipping through a book, looking for the correct page. Once you’ve worshipped without having to use a book it’s hard to go back - if you know what I mean.

I’ll say one thing about Holy Cross Church that I will never forget - by attending a completely different church from St. Anne I came to realize how much I have come to love and appreciate the Roman Catholic form of worship, and I can never see myself ever going back to an Episcopal Church for regular worship ever again. If not in formal standing, I know in my heart that I am a Roman Catholic and proud to be one. Whenever the time and spirit come to make it official, it will just be a formality.

As a result of this post I’m searching for a new church to call my spiritual home. Given the number of Roman Catholic churches around the area I can afford to be a little choosy, so the only requirements I have are rather subjective in nature - that being, that I can attend Mass and feel like I’m part of a spiritual experience that helps serve as a center to my prayer life for the upcoming week. Oh, and one other thing - that it takes place somewhere in the four o’clock hour on Saturdays. This may sound a bit petty, but the fact is, due to work I no longer have Sundays as a recreational day, so to attend Mass on Saturdays not too late in the afternoon is rather important to me. The finalists are:

1. St. Anne Catholic Church - if it wasn’t for the new wacko music director there I’d be pretty happy, content to practice my budding Roman Catholicism there. Whether or not I return to worship God regularly there is still very much up in the air, but we’ll just have to see how my parish search turns out.

2. Holy Cross Church - looks like this parish is approx. a 30 minutes drive from my house - very much to the east. Whenever a parish website tells you it’s predominently elderly or retired - I’m sorry, but that’s a warning sign to me. I’m willing to give it a try; we’ll just have to see how it goes.

3. St. Mary Catholic Church in Chandler - the Mass times are at 4:30 PM but I kinda like the idea of staying south of U.S. 60 - it always makes me feel like I’m hangin’ ’round my neighborhood, so we’ll just have to see how it goes.

4. St. Mary Magdalene Catholic Church - this is a church that doesn’t yet have a building. Masses are at 4:30 PM, but given that they’re just starting out on the ground floor, this is something I would be very interested in, as growing churches from the ground floor has always been something close and deep to my heart.

Four churches, one pilgrim on a spiritual journey. Who will win out? I guess we’ll just have to see.

“There is a certain kind of humility in hell which is one of the worst things in hell, infinitely far from the humility of the saints, which is peace. This false humility is an unending, burning shame at the inescapable stigma of our sins.

It is the proud that have to be burned and devoured by the horrible humility of hell… but as long as we are in this life, even that burning anguish can be turned into a grace, and a cause for joy.” — Thomas Merton, “The Seven Storey Mountain”, p. 295

Before I begin let me just state that music (as anyone who follows this blog regularly undoubtedly knows) is very important to me. This is especially so when it comes to music in church, as I look to music to complement the larger worship experience, not dominate or overwhelm it. Just as there are few worse things in my mind than to be in church listening to music done poorly while you and everyone in the congregation shifts uneasily in their seats, likewise, music that is loud and out of place - even when well performed - can be just as much of a turn-off. Now I don’t expect your average everyday Mass or church service to be contemplative in spirit and approach - that’s reserved for monasteries. But when the world around you for the rest of the week is filled with the noise of our work-a-day lives, I don’t expect to find music spelled n-o-i-s-e cluttering up things when I attend church.

As I’ve mentioned in these spaces previously, one of the best things about attending St. Anne Catholic Church (besides it’s nearby locale and convenient 4 PM Saturday Mass time) has been its music. Not only because it was very well done, but - just as importantly - the music complemented what Mass should be all about: worship, humility, praise, and prayer in the sacramental Presence of Our Lord. The music was primarily performed on piano and guitar, with an occasional appearance by a bass player or another guitarist. And it was all done in excellent taste and performance, played loud enough to sing to but not take over the proceedings.

My how things have changed! Three or four weeks ago, the music director left and was replaced by what I can only describe as an obnoxious egomaniacal woman who thinks everything has to be a production, and the Mass saturated with music at every possible opportunity. Not only has the piano and guitar now been augmented with bass, additional guitar and drums, but several choral singers as well. And even though much of the music at Mass is the same from week to week, this woman has to make sure everyone knows the music is under her complete direction: hand waves indicating when the band is to start and stop, and, five minutes before Mass, instruction to the congregation on how the music that day should be sung.

(Note #1: Keep in mind that modern church music - especially the kind played at Catholic masses - hardly requires the vocal equivalent of a Ph.D to sing. Not only is it fairly simplistic, but at most the congreagation only has to sing two verses with chorus. We’re not talking Handel or R. Vaughan Williams here, by any stretch of the imagination.)

(Note #2: And if it were a male music director instead of a woman I’d feel the same way, so please, no sexist accusations.)

To me, it’s all just too much. Even the Psalm of the day, which used to be sung simply and beautifully by a cantor to piano, now gets the Phil Spector “Wall of Sound” treatment - choral harmonies and full band participation, including drums. Were it just the processional and recessional that were getting the full band I would have no problem with it, but this woman is so full of herself and determined to turn Mass into her show that it is a complete turn-off. Since I don’t receive communion, I used that time for contemplation to the soft music and meditating upon the priest’s voice repeating over and over, “The Body of Christ”, “The Body of Christ”, “the Body of Christ”… and feeling immersed in holiness and sanctity.

No more. Now communion simply provides this music director more opportunities to show off her and her musicians not-insignificant musical chops. But to me it’s completely out of place and ruins the entire proceedings. I don’t think I’m alone, as I’ve noticed more people heading directly for the doors after they receive communion than is normal. And I can’t blame them - they come for Mass, not a concert and musical onslaught.

So for me it’s adios! to S