April 21, 2020

OK, I’ll admit it – I’m going nuts. I’m less than three weeks into my imposed “early retirement” and I’m ready to climb the walls. I mean, how much can one actually do in their spare time when spare time is all you have?

I wanted to clear out my old work office and move Peach the rabbit to his new digs in our “home office”. Done.

I wanted to rearrange the laundry room cabinet. That took all of 1 1/2 hours.

I wanted to clean out my bathroom vanity and create a real First Aid kit for the house. Another 1 1/2 hours.

I’ve been wanting to re-stain the Tiki Bar deck – that will be completed by Thursday noon.

I need to get started on the taxes and will do so starting next week. But that’s hardly what I would call a chore.

In between all that, I’ve been putting out feelers for jobs without really knowing what – if anything – I want to do at this point. I’ve still got another four months of severance checks coming in that I’ve already figured are the equivalent of me being paid normally through early November. Which is great – I’m one of the lucky ones. But I can’t just sit around the house. I don’t watch TV (although, I’ll admit, the idea of binge-watching “Magnum P.I.” or “Monk” has begun to cross my mind!)

You see the problem here is, I’m a doer. I’m not really one to sit on the sidelines and watch the world go round. But there’s also something inside me that says I need to have a hard, honest look at my situation and decompress before honestly assessing what I want to do from here. Sure, I created my LinkedIn profile and created a consulting LLC in case I want to get back into Healthcare IT, but just the thought of it creates an internal recoil that advises me against it.

…actually, everything I think about doing right now in terms of work and finding a job creates a recoil. It’s almost as if my internal psyche is advising that I need to decompress. But what if decompressing is something I don’t know how to do or am not very good at?

Normally around this time of year I think about listening to surf music and working on my golf game in anticipation of Goodboys weekend in July. But there’s no desire on either count this year – I don’t feel like listening to surf music, and there’s little interest in gearing up for this year’s installment (it would be my last one, anyways).

I don’t want this to make it sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself – I certainly am not, and I know there are a lot of folks out there in far worse shape than I am. There are folks losing their lives and their livelihoods (and living in fear of doing so) because of the economic downturn resulting from all these Coronavirus lockdowns. All I’m admitting, I guess, is that, even though my life was being run through the meat-grinder for the last three years, there was an adrenaline rush to it, a feeling of being engaged and being a part of the game. That has suddenly been taken away from me and I’m having a hard time adjusting to it. One can only do so many walks and find chores to do to occupy one’s day!

I’ll get over it, I have no doubt. It’s just that I need to use this interim period between “what was” and “what is” in a more “island time” fashion.

Filed in: Uncategorized by The Great White Shank at 19:32 | Comments (0)
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