June 10, 2015

This is the starting point. A Tiki bar with no roof. Seems simple enough to put a new one on, right? You just find the material (thatch, staples, twist ties), make sure you have plenty of ladders and plenty of help, then measure out the material and get to it. But therein lies the problem, because it is simply not as easy as it sounds. Having never done anything like this before, and hardly being what you would call a handyman when it comes to “weekend warrior” projects of this type, putting a new roof on the Tiki bar has become quite the challenge.

It wasn’t for the folks who built the original bar: the roof was thatched on a very large work area table and then bolted to the frame after it was delivered onsite. And besides, I’m sure they had been trained in this sort of thing so they could put these roofs on in their sleep. But having to do this work up in the air, and for the first time, well, let’s just say it’s the worst kind of “on the job training”!

I ordered my thatch material (more than enough so I thought, because the stuff isn’t cheap). I’d learned the hard way about how the kind of staples I was going to have to use and was kind of annoyed that I didn’t understand when renting the gun from Home Depot that I had to also rent the compressor also; but hey, shame on the counter clerk for not asking me if I needed a compressor as well. But that’s OK, consider it a lesson learned!

Actually, putting the first layer on was a breeze: I measured out my first 76″ of thatch, threw it up on the south-facing side, and started stapling away with my compressed-air power stapler. It was after getting the first layer up that things started to go a little awry – well, actually, a lot awry. I had purchased these so-called “panels” supposedly designed specifically for the four corners – the idea being, they drape over the corners and then you lay the second main layer on top of the first layer and the panels. But I spent more than an hour trying to staple those suckers into the wood but they wouldn’t stay under any condition. And worse than that, they really looked crappy, as if they didn’t belong. And you know what? They didn’t:

It became rather obvious that these panels were made for another, much larger, style of thatch roof – they didn’t look the same, and they were obviously too big for the humble little roof I was trying to put on. So it was back to cutting my other thatch material to try and create an apron around the corners that would look natural. But I couldn’t figure out how to do it. I went back to the original measurements I took when pulling off the old roof and discovered they had some different-sized material specifically for the corners that I simply don’t have access to. So this was something that would have to be figured out on the fly.

After wasting valuable time under blistering heat, the twins finally returned from their own Saturday activities and were able to make a valuable contribution. Tracey helped me maneuver some cut-down thatch around the corner sections to make it look like it at least somewhat belonged, and Tammy helped with the “that looks good” or “that looks stupid” commentary.

We spent a good couple of hours ever-so-carefully positioning thatch and seeing how it looked from all angles that we finally decided to call it a day (and a weekend). First and foremost, because we found out I hadn’t ordered enough thatch to make up for the panels that couldn’t be used. Secondly, because I had already lost five pounds working in the heat (even after drinking two half-liters of club soda and two bottles of Simply Lemonade) and we were all just so tired of fighting it. At the end of the day this is what it looked like:

This weekend it will be once more into the breach: a Friday stop at the Home Depot equipment rental counter, and Saturday attacking the roof for what we hope will be the last time. I already checked on the internet to see if there are any Tiki roof professionals in the area specializing in roof repair and didn’t find a one. Maybe a little more searching might turn up someone before I have to do this all over again in another ten years. Who knows? Maybe I’m on the cusp of a new, post-IT career: after all, with 2+ million people in the Valley of the Sun I can’t be the only person with an outdoor Tiki bar that needs its roof replaced.

Of course, there’s always the option of burning the thing down when this roof needs replacing and putting in a barbecue!

Filed in: Uncategorized by The Great White Shank at 02:43 | Comments (2)
2 Comments »
  1. this is hysterical…..only you can create a bad hair tiki bar roof.

    Comment by Jana — June 10, 2015 @ 3:54 pm


  2. I know – I think it looks like something you’d see on a ’80s hair band member, doesn’t it?

    Comment by The Great White Shank — June 11, 2015 @ 3:18 pm


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a comment


goodboys.jpg


Search The Site



Recent Items

Categories

Archives
November 2020
October 2020
September 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006


Blogroll

Syndication

4 Goodboys Only

Site Info