December 20, 2014

Greetings, American capitalist pig-dogs – and to you, so-called “The Great White Shank”. While a clever nickname, my trusted advisors – do you have any trusted advisors, Great White? – tell me it is quite the apt description for what you call your “golf game”! Why, I’ll bet you’ve even done this at a driving range, haven’t you?

But, as you are so fond of saying, “I digress”.

I’ll bet you are surprised to see my posting in your normal spot. It just so happens my trusted group of hackers – yes the very same ones who brought SONY pictures to their knees and Hollywood to disgrace because of their ill-advised plan to insult me – have hacked into your pathetic little website to teach you a lesson about respect. You don’t think my advisors monitor your posts? Well they do – and not just yours, but that crazy Rob at CrabAppleLane Blog and Dave E’s Fish Fear Me blog. “Fish Fear Me”? If they fear him, does he expect me to fear him as well? Well, I don’t fear him.

But then again, I’m not a fish.

And even if I were a fish I would be so finny and scaly that he would soon learn to fear me!

As would the other little fishes in the pond.

And I would eat those fishies. (Oh, I wouldn’t call it seafood, you can only get that in New England. Everywhere else it’s just fish.)

But I digress.

Besides, I don’t fear anyone or anything. Well, let me correct that – if there is one thing I fear is having to spend the rest of my life watching those cackling hens on “The View”. OMG! (as you Americans love to use in so-called “tweets”), if there is a hell on earth surely it has to anyone forced to watch that slop every day. Can you imagine?

Now listen, you The Great White Shank. You need to get a life, and I mean quickly! Look at your blog posts. Golf? Incessant bleating at liberals and about American liberalism? Hah! As if they care. Your golf game? Who on earth would care about that! And then you throw in an occasional post about sports, music, food, cocktails, or some poetry to make it seem as if you are such a oh-so-renaissance man. And your musical taste – everyone you listen to is either dead or cast aside by the side of the road like an old sofa. Why, I’ll bet you haven’t listened to a new piece of music since 1980!

Here in North Korea we don’t have that problem. For one thing, my people only listen to my speeches, so listening to Kitty Perry or that Justin Burber is not an issue with us. There’s no need for poetry, as my people have copies of all my speeches to warm their imaginations. Here in North Korea, we don’t need to write about food – after all, my people go hungry so as to serve the interests of our population. Now I will admit, I’ll have an occasional boxcar or white wine spritzer in my recreation of Elvis’ “jungle room” back at my imperial palace, but that’s just to take the edge off of having millions of people worship me on a daily basis.

Something, I see, given the traffic at your Goodboys Nation weblog, you don’t have as a problem! 🙂

Allow me to offer some presidential advice, you so-called The Great White Shank – give it up. As a blogger you are smaller than the dot over the “I” on the word “nit”. Can you not see the folly of your ways? Your country cowers at the very prospect of my anger. Your President Obama is making peace with those crazy Castros. Soon he will be reaching out to make peace with me. Right after, of course, he does the same with Iran and their nuclear program! After all, it takes a narcissistic dictator-wannabe to know one when he sees one! And there is nothing The Great White Shank can do to stop him.

And as for your post yesterday about liberals. Do not think they are amused. One day your web-hosting site will get a call from the IRS and look to shut you down – after all, any country that allows voices of dissent is a weak one. Your foolish Attorney General is right when he says international law trumps your Constitution. Just just wait to see what happens when you get a comment one day from the International Court of Justice – before you know it you’ll be tried, convicted, and hung by your “Buster Browns”!

And I will be there to watch you flail like one of those fish who fear Dave E. so!

But enough about me, let’s talk about you. So, what do you think of me? I always liked that line. Say, I’ll bet you use that whenever you’re in Vegas, huh? Next time you go, try this one: You see a pretty girl and walk up to her. Say, “Do you believe in the hereafter?”, and when she says yes, you respond, “Then you know what I’m here after.” That one usually works for me. And if it doesn’t, no big deal – I have her executed.

Well, I’ve got a busy day ahead of me: I’m off to watch the execution of a few family members before heading over to the “jungle room” to watch some Miami Vice reruns with a boxcar or two. They are very delicious. Don’t think for a moment, however, Great White Shank, that I won’t continue to monitor your website for signs of, shall we say, disrespect. Consider yourself on the clock in regards to my three-strike rule:

Strike one: You hear from me as I am doing right now.
Strike two: You get a final warning from me.
Strike three: You get to enjoy “The View” for the rest of your earthly existence!

Sayonara. Oh wait a minute that’s Japanese.

Filed in: Uncategorized by The Great White Shank at 01:50 | Comments (0)
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