October 14, 2014

I think actress Gwyneth Paltrow is a fox. There, I said it. If you (especially of the fellow Goodboys variety) want to call me a fool, or misguided, or a dope so be it. But if you were to give me a choice as to what Hollywood actress I’d want to share dinner with, while perhaps at one time I might have selected Meg Ryan or Renee Zellweger (both of which were adorable in their own ways), at the ripe old age of 59 I’m all in for Gwyn and I’m hoping she’d be OK with that and all in for me as well.

Look, I understand there are folks out there who consider her a completely out-of-touch elitist. And yes, I know she’s a dyed-in-the-wool leftist who even with the Fast and Furious, Benghazi, IRS, Solyndra, and VA scandals, and the unrelenting and infuriating incompetence and blatant disregard for the truth or rule of law on display from everyone in the Obama administration starting with the President and First Lady on down is still left stammering hubbada-hubbada-hubbada when she’s in the presence of St. Barack.

But that’s OK with me, because I’ll willingly admit the attraction is purely physical – I think she’s a beautiful woman. Hair, face, shoulders… um, on down. Just the right mix of sophistication and, I hope, as one gets to know her, harmless naughtiness as well. It would be worth dinner on me just to share a very expensive bottle of wine (her choice) and engage in mindless chit-chat if only to see her smile light up a room as only as hers can.

I don’t know enough about her intellectual capabilities or willingness to even hob-nob with such an inconsequential excuse for a human being such as I, nor do I care, but when she’s quoted as saying such marvelously pretentious statements as:

“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

Or…

“I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”

Or…

“I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup.”

Or even…

“When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.” (Which, of course, would serve as the perfect opening for me to respond, “As it is with me whenever I feel our bodies touch, mon chérie. Si je vous ai dit que vous aviez un beau corps tiendriez-vous contre moi?“**)

…well, that’s a girl I simply have to know better.

And if you’re thinking that I’m too old and too married to be blogging about some hot Hollywood chick, all I can say is, I might be old, I might even be married, but I’m not dead. The day I stop appreciating a pretty woman is the day I might as well pack it all in. And if she’s an elitist, well maybe we’re all elitists in our own right. Hey, I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $2,500,000 a year, right?

At my age I’m not just looking for a Hollywood actress who might be beautiful and who might provide an evening of stimulating conversation. I want the whole enchilada, and I think Gwyn is all that and more. So Gwyneth, if you’re ever in the Phoenix area and are looking for someone to treat you to a nice meal and a night you’ll not soon forget, you know who’s ready to pick up the tab.

And speaking of enchiladas, you like Mexican food, right?

——–

**If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

Filed in: Uncategorized by The Great White Shank at 23:32 | Comments (0)
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