I took a lot of crap from a few Goodboys the other night while watching some retarded cable channel (I think it was E!) broadcasting from the red carpet at the Golden Globes. There they were – I think it was Ryan Seacrest (who I know nothing about) and Kelly Osbourne (who I know is Ozzie’s daughter from their reality show of a few years ago) interviewing all these supposed stars, and I’m like a B17 Stratofortess over Schweinfurt taking all kinds of flak because I don’t know who Sofia Vergara is (supposedly, she’s the hottest chick in the world), and I guess I’m one of, I gather, a precious few who: a) has never watched Modern Family (a supposed popular TV show?), b) doesn’t think Tina Fey is either intelligent, clever, or funny, and c) has never seen, or has any desire to see “The Hangover”.

And for that I’m called an “aging hipster”… sigh.

Let me be as perfectly clear about this kind of thing as I possibly can be. First of all, I don’t watch network TV at night. Ever. I like the Food Network and enjoy “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives”, “Restaurant Impossible” and “Restaurant Stakeout”. I like Golf Channel and the MLB Network. When the Red Sox start up I’ll watch their games on NESN for a while. But after Tracey gets home from work I prefer to give her the TV and let her chill out watching shows she likes like “Dexter”, “Trauma: Life In The ER”, or “House” (neither of which interest me), or whatever movies she finds on Encore or Cinemax or whatever. I’m just not a TV guy.

Second of all, I despise Hollywood and what goes for entertainment by the so-called “stars” of the stage and screen of today. Call me an old fogey, an aging hipster, or whatever, but I doubt any of it is either entertaining or funny. True, I’ve never watched the crap they put out there, but I’ve seen enough commercials for shows like “Elementary” and “2 Broke Girls” to be reassured I’m not losing brain cells or culture by not tuning in. And the same goes for award shows like the Golden Globes and the Oscars – all you’re seeing is a bunch of self-absorbed, infinitely shallow people who think everything they say is so darned clever (Tina Fey being the poster child for what counts as “clever” these days!) and that everything they do is so damned important. Neither of which I can say in all confidence is true.

Does it mean I want to see them all lined up against a wall and shot? No. Does it mean I think my Goodboys friends who watch that stuff are a bunch of morons? No. But that’s why they make chocolate and vanilla. Watch what you like, I don’t care, but don’t accuse me of being somehow less than hip if I don’t think Ellen DeGeneres is funny (she’s not), don’t know who Sofia Viagra or Kristen Stewart is, or if I could care that Jodie Foster comes out of the closet to introduce her gay partner.

…Rhetorical question: how can being gay be considered coming out of the closet anymore when it seems as if the entire industry you’re part of is gay? It seems to me that you’d only be truly coming out of the closet if you were heterosexual. But I digress..

Don’t hate me if I feel that sitting out on my patio and listening to my surf, tropical breezes, exotica, or Sandals collections while contemplating life beside the swimming pool and palm trees is preferable to watching Megan Fox or Kourtney, Kim, or Karma Karma Kamelion Kardashian on some stupid reality TV show. Forgive me if I prefer taking evening walks, surfing the net, or taking care of the rabbits to seeing just how outrageous Lucy Liu and Steve Tyler can be when idiots juggle beagles or break glass trying to become the latest Whitney Houston or Christina Aguilera on some stupid talent show. You can enjoy “Dancing With The Stars” all you like, just don’t invite me to the dance. Because I’m not interested.

If that makes me a “aging hipster” so be it.