Ed. Note: Golf Channel’s Rich Lerner recently sat down with Goodboy Kevin “Goose” Dwyer to discuss the upcoming Goodboys Invitational and all things Goodboys Nation. Enjoy this third in a series of interviews with the participants of the 2012 Goodboys Invitational.

Goose, you’ve been a Goodboy for a long time now, 2012 will be your fifteenth year. What’s the biggest change you have seen since your first Goodboys Invitational in 1998?

Well, Rich, it’s pretty much the same cast of characters, but with a lot less hair and a few more pounds around the middle. The quality of golf (or lack thereof) remains the same. Kinda funny, huh?

Goose, Tiger Woods has 14 majors after more than a dozen years on the PGA Tour. In your fifteen years as a Goodboy, you have zero championships. In fact, you’re known as “best Goodboy never to have won a Goodboys championship”…

Is there a question there?

Well, I guess I’m wondering…

You know Rich, this game is all about honor, integrity, and tradition. I’m just trying my best out there like everyone else. But it’s not my fault, I’ve had some lousy partners over the years.

Care to name names?

All of ’em.

In 1998 – your first year as a Goodboy – Tom “Hammer” Harlan, winner of that year’s Goodboys Invitational….

…and the coveted Spielberg Memorial Trophy…

…and the coveted Spielberg Memorial Trophy…

…and the winner’s jacket…

…and the winner’s jacket. Anything else?

No, you can continue.

I forget what I was going to ask.

I think you were finished.

Listen, pal, in this business you may be done but you’re never finished. Hold on, now I remember what I was going to ask. In 1998 – your first year as a Goodboy – Tom “Hammer” Harlan, winner of that year’s Goodboys Invitational….

…and the coveted Spielberg Memorial Trophy…

…and the coveted Spielberg Mem… NOW CUT THAT OUT! I’ll start again. In 1998 – your first year as a Goodboy – Tom “Hammer” Harlan, winner of that year’s Goodboys Invitational….

Awkward…

…characterized the Goodboys Invitational weekend as “the three B’s – birdies, broads, and beers”. Your thoughts.

Well, for me, Rich, it’s the three “B’s” alright, it’s just that for me the three Bs means bogies, banana slices, and begging for strokes.

One final question: you and Tiger are both named after animals.

A goose is a bird, Rich, it’s not an animal.

OK, OK, then. Let’s just say you both have unusual names. What else do you have in common?

You mean besides the mansions, the millions, and the dozens of porn stars we’ve bedded?

…You’re kidding, right?

Say goodnight, Rich.

Goodnight, Rich.