January 27, 2011

Got this from my folks today – especially with yet another snowstorm on their door, it must sure seem appropriate:

“Moved to New England”

August 15: Moved to a new home in New England. It’s so beautiful here. The lake to the north looks so majestic. I can hardly wait to see it snow covered. I’m going to love it here.

October 14: New England is definitely the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the park and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE.

November 10: Deer hunting season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous animal, hope it will snow soon. I love it here. Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent multi-colored carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL. Raking and cleaning up the yard will be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air.

November 15: Ah, more leaves and more exercise.

November 18: Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it’s best to wait until they’ve all fallen before I rake again.

November 25: Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and today’s final raking it’s over for this season.
Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year. Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves.

November 30: What the f–k? Where did all of those leaves come from? A little wind last night and the lawn is covered again. Oh well, they’ll just have to wait until spring.

December 12: It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won), then the snowplow came by and we had to shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love New England.

December 14: More snow last night, I love it. The snowplow did his trick to the driveway again. I love it here.

December 19: More snow again last night. Can’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I’m exhausted from shoveling. F—ing snowplow.

December 22: More of that white sh-t fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves weren’t bad enough, now I’ve got blisters all over my hands from shoveling, must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I’m finished shoveling the driveway. The a–hole.

December 25: Merry Christmas. More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snowplow. I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the f—ing ice.

December 27: More white sh-t last night. Have been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes through every time. F—ing gloves got wet and then froze on my hands. Doctor said it was just a mild case of frostbite, disfiguration is probably only temporary. Can’t go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white sh-t. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the sh-t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

December 28: The f—ing weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white sh-t. At this rate it won’t melt ’till summer. The plow got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him I’d already broken six of them shoveling all the sh-t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his f—ing head.

January 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back I hit a damned deer that ran in front of my car. Did about $3000 damage. F—ing beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3: Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the f—ing salt they put all over the roads.

May 10: Moved to The Villages in Florida. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken New England.

Hang in there, everyone!

Filed in: Uncategorized by The Great White Shank at 00:53 | Comment (1)
1 Comment »
  1. Doug – LOL!!!! As we are getting 2 inches of ice rain this was so appropriate. I even called and read it to my mother. We really hate the snow plow man…last week he even took out the mail box. You can picture me outsite in 36 inches of snow so I could dig a hole for the new pole – my kids are calling the hillbilly mailbox because it leans:)

    Comment by Kim Marra — February 1, 2011 @ 4:51 pm


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