Not much appears to have gone on while I was back in Massachusetts for my golf week.

The house is standing, although just barely. The primary casualty of this week away was a lovely blue vase filled with dried flowers and 50 gazillion marbles that my sister-in-law knocked over while bringing groceries in (I love my s-i-l, but but she breaks something every time I’m away). That happened five days ago; Tracey and I both found a marble in our travels through the house tonight.

The flowers in the planters out front and on the patio table in the back have turned into a lovely shade of crispy brown.

The pool is a sultry 95 degrees – not much relief when the it’s humid and 100 degrees outside.

And yes, we have another car problem – our Saturn now seems to be suffering from an electrical malfunction where the high beams come on whenever you put on the directional (left or right), and then for 45 minutes after the car is shut off the front lights flicker back and forth between high and low beam.

And what would be a return trip from the airport to find a crisis at work and my office and cell phone ringing off the hook?

OK, I’m grousing and for no good reason. Things could be a lot worse.

Yes sir, it’s great to be home.

Today I’m heading back west, from the heat and humidity of Massachusetts to the heat and humdity of Phoenix. Similar consitions, just a different amount of broil from the sun. Can’t wait to see what my pool temperature will be – it’s been a very hot week since I left the Valley of the Sun more than a week ago. Got this from one of my AZ co-workers, thought you’d find it amusing. Consider it “Thirteen Things You Wouldn’t Know If You Didn’t Live In Phoenix”:

1. ‘Phoenix’ actually consists of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, Glendale, Peoria, Tolleson, Avondale, Goodyear, Litchfield Park, Sun City, Sun City West, Sun City Grand, Sun Lakes, Surprise, Laveen, Apache Junction, Gold Canyon, and half of the Mexican border.

2. The morning rush hour is from 4:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 9:00 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the Loop 101 (all highways out here are prefixed with “the” instead of “route” or “interstate” as they are back east), your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered ‘Wussy’.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest mufflers go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in the East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s an offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, rabbits, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and ‘the I-10’ are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway; Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. As are Northern and Shea. Also Glendale Ave. becomes Lincoln Drive. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans Memorial Highway. ‘The Superstition’ is also known as US 60. The 101, 202 and 303 remain a large mystery to most of us. The SR51 has recently been renamed to Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy to pronounce. SR101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, which is also The Black Canyon FWY and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. — but, Cactus Rd. doesn’t become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it has been ‘accidentally activated.’

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be ‘flipped off’ accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. Please note that there are many, MANY more issues to the phenomenon of driving in Phoenix– like the 4-cars-through-a-red-light rule — but these will at least get you acquainted with our unique life on the road.

Back from the 2010 Goodboys Invitational – a full recap is promised in the next day or two. Suffice to say, however, that a good time was had by all, it was the hottest weekend we’ve ever experienced, and congrats go out to Steve “Killer” Kowalski and Pat “Doggy Duval” McLaughlin for their well-deserved championship. For right now, it’ll be good to take a hot shower, get all this sunscreen off me, and grab a good night’s sleep in preparation for another work week.

Hope everyone out there had a great weekend. It’s the height of summer. More later.

I haven’t posted anything to this point about the horrendous BP spill in the Gulf of Mexico because I don’t know enough about oil drilling by nature, who did what when they shouldn’t have, and how do you expect to easily handle something when that something turns into a catastrophic event. I’ll only say this: 1) I prefer my drilling on the land, not the sea, thank you; 2) I don’t like this “us vs. them” reaction from the Obama White House, 3) Most – if not all – politicians are dumb; and 4) When all is said and done, this story will have a fundamental impact on the way people view Washington and the Obama administration, and will have a major impact this fall’s elections.

Regarding #1: Environmentalists have to assume some of the blame for what’s going on right now because they have forced oil companies to drill deeper, and in more riskier ways, and increasingly in the oceans. Think about it: while this spill is threatening Louisiana’s fragile coastline and economic stability, big ol’ ANWR is sitting up there thousands of miles away in the middle of nowhere just twiddlin’ it’s crude potential thumbs. I cannot believe drilling in ANWR would be anywhere near as risky as deep-water drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.

And the same holds true for nuclear power. But don’t get me started on that.

Regarding #2: I have to admit that the Obama administration lives down to my expectations every opportunity they get. It’s been, what, nearly three months, and most of what we’ve heard from the White House is that it’s BP’s problem. Well I got news for the White House, it isn’t just BP’s problem. It’s Louisiana’s, Alabama’s, Florida’s, and the problem of Americans who don’t live there, but make their living, either directly or indirectly in the oil industry, tourism industry – heck, practically any industry affected by energy. The American economy is fragile enough without this being lumped on top of it. I find the Obama administration’s attitude insulting, incredibly short-sighted, and perhaps even criminally negligent. Mark my words, there will be people in this administration forfeiting their jobs by the time all is said and done.

Regarding #3. You’re Barack Obama. Your presidency follows George W. Bush’s – you know, that presidency that criminally mishandled the Katrina flooding. In, like, Louisiana. And now you have on your watch a devastating oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that threatens the ecological and economic well-being of, yup, Louisiana, and what do you do? Take a hands-off approach? What on God’s green earth are you thinking? Are you that clueless?

Look, I’m no political genius, but if I’m a Democrat president following a Republican president who was castigated each and every way for his administration’s incompetence involving a natural disaster in th Gulf region, I’m going to go out of my way at the first sign of any potential disaster to show the contrast in competence and efficiency between my administration and his. Because of his own administration’s stupidity, arrogance, or ineptness, the Gulf oil spill is destined to go down as Obama’s Katrina. The time for decisive action and credibility was more than two month’s ago, and he chose poorly to punt it as a legal problem, not an ecological disaster. What an idiot.

Regarding #4. I have to ask the question. What does Washington presently do well? It’s not a rhetorical question. The American people ought to expect that, at its most basic, fundamental state, the government should be watching out for the welfare of the American people. Whether it’s protecting our borders, fighting our wars, or regulating our industries while still leaving room for free-market approaches that stimulate economic growth, the federal government should be looking out for the welfare of this nation. And in this case, yet again, the government has mishandled yet another crisis.

Does anyone doubt that, in the end, this devastating oil spill could have been prevented by simply enforcing the laws already on the books? Or that there were shortcuts and needless risks taken? Or that money changed hands and eyes looked the other way in return for political and financial payoffs? I’m not going to make the conspiratorial leap that, because BP has/had been a heavy contributor to Democrats and the Obama campaign, the oil spill is a result of some kind of political graft or corruption. But I will say that the overwhelming evidence was that the BP oil spill was a disaster that could have been prevented, had warning signs been followed and rules and laws already on the books adhered to.

We’re in the heat of a Goodboys Invitational weekend, and it looks as if today we’ll be dodging thunderstorms. A perfect day for a lovely July poem:

“Across the open common land
shines glowing purple floral blooms
The bumble bee can hardly stand,
as flowers’ scent is rising fumes

And lies there in the summer shade
a resting deer quite joyfuly
for in this beauteous sunlit glade
all’s observed by sent’nel tree

This tall oak stands by sparkling stream,
whose water splashes grass and rock,
reflecting in its azure gleam,
the woodland plant and dandy clock

While goes beneath the cloudless sky,
amidst a warm and dreamy breeze,
a squirrel idling, passing by,
past numerous, careless, floating seeds.”

– Stephen Patrick, Sleepy July in Skipwith Common

(Hat tip: egreenway.com)

[Ed. note: The third and final round of the 2010 Goodboys Invitational will be played at The Links at Outlook in South Berwick, Maine. Described as a layout that takes its character from from the natural landscape it is laid out on, The Links at Outlook is said to have a flavor of old traditional courses found in Ireland and Scotland. We asked long-time Goodboys observer and golf expert J. Gaylord Pellrine for his impressions of the course and what the Goodboys can expect.]

“The Links at Outlook will provide a fitting challenge for the final round of the Goodboys Invitational. This par 71, 6,004 yard (from the blues, where I expect the Goodboys to likely play from) has a front nine that is wide open in the old links style, and a back nine that is more narrow, hilly, and woodsy.

“Even though the openess of the front nine might appear to favor the “grip it and rip it” style of some of the long-hitting Goodboys, they should not be fooled: these holes will require strategy and precise shot-making. The front nine has a lot of heather in the rough areas but not around normal landing areas. Nevertheless, even the most competent Goodboy should expect to be penalized if he were to hit a wayward shot that ends up in “the gourse”.

“The fact that you have two decidedly different nines will make the final day an interesting one for all, with plenty of opportunities for risk and reward, designed to lead to an exciting and perhaps unexpected finish.”

[Ed. note: The second round of the 2010 Goodboys Invitational will be played at The Ledges Golf Club in York, Maine. Described as an attention-grabbing tract laid out on rugged New England terrain where where golfers may easily be distracted at times by the spectacular vistas and lush pine trees, we asked long-time Goodboys observer and golf expert J. Gaylord Pellrine for his impressions of the course and what the Goodboys can expect.]

“The Ledges is one of the more picturesque and challenging golf courses the Goodboys have played. This par 72, 6,300 yard (from the whites, where I expect the Goodboys to likely play from) is supposedly designed to give players of all abilities the opportunity to hit every club in the bag, but don’t kid yourselves – this will test even the lowest handicapped Goodboys. Carved out of rock and rolling hills, The Ledges will present a vastly different look and feel from the lazy, rolling topography of Sagamore-Hampton (played the Goodboys Invitational’s first round).

“Level fairways are a premium at The Ledges, with elevated tees and winding doglegs that require careful shot-making. And while most of the course winds its way through rock and granite-strewn hillsides, there are a couple of water holes (#9 and #18) that present significant challenge. From having played here last year, the Goodboys will surely know their work isn’t done once they reach the green, for The Ledges’ putting surfaces are first-rate, and will demand both precision and courage.

“I expect most of the Goodboys to give back most, if not all, the strokes they made at Sagamore-Hampton the first day. But I doubt any of them will mind much, for The Ledges is not just a beautiful place to play a round of golf, but a beautiful location to have a cold brewskie on the veranda afterwards once their hard work for the day is done.”

A brief interruption from all things Goodboys…

Congrats to the “Pink Panther”, Paula Creamer, for toughing out a thumb injury and winning the U.S. Women’s Open at Oakmont last weekend. Not only does this get the monkey off of Creamer’s back, but hopefully this will refocus the media’ attention to women golfers who truly deserve attention based on their actual accomplishments instead of on Michelle Wie, who while supposedly (“supposedly” being the operative word) has all the talent in the world, but really hasn’t done anything to warrant the amount of media attention she has received other than being attractive.

Who will win this weekend’s big golf tournament? No, silly, not the British Open Championship, the Goodboys Invitational! Having watched Ben “The Funny Guy” Andrusaitis hit one perfect or near-perfect shot after another at Green Meadow’s World Cup Driving Range yesterday, I’m going with Sir Nick Faldo and predict a repeat championship with partner “Crusher” Spielberg. I’m sure they hope I’m proven wrong…

As for the British Open (as if that matters), I’m going with a return to excellence by Tiger Woods. Not only because he’s changed his putter, but, frankly, he knows he needs this one because: a) he loves playing at St. Andrews, b) he knows he’s not getting any younger, and c) he knows the playing field has equalized to the extent that he’ll never have a better chance to win his next major.

Now, I’m off to find a driving range where I can fix the “death move” – no, that’s not like a Obamacare “death panel”, but a basic swing flaw identified and finally isolated by “The Funny Guy” yesterday that I hope puts the final nail in the coffin of the reason behind my “Great White Shank” nickname. With the opening round less than two days away, it would be a good time to get that behind me.

—

Pool temp: 95 degrees! (the result of several broiling days back in AZ)

[Ed. note: The first round of the 2010 Goodboys Invitational will be played at Sagamore-Hampton G.C. in North Hampton, NH. Described as a wide open tract designed to allow the Goodboys limber up and and get acquainted with their games and their partners for the weekend, we asked long-time Goodboys observer and golf expert J. Gaylord Pellrine for his impressions of the course and what the Goodboys can expect.]

“Sagamore-Hampton Golf Club is daily fee golf at it’s best – something the Goodboys will find both welcoming and reassuring for what promises to be a very long weekend. The 18-hole layout has been carved from 130 picturesque acres of land in New Hampshire’s seacoast region, on rolling hills that will enable big hitters like “Crusher” Spielberg and “Killer” Kowalski to “let the big dog eat”, while still requiring precision shot-making like you typically might expect from the likes of “Doggy Duval” McLaughlin and “Vegas” Clark.

“Sagamore-Hampton combines a perfect blend of both wide open and tree-lined holes, a manageable number of hazards for golfers like “The Great White Shank” Richard and “Cubby” Myerow to avoid, and an overall golfer-friendly feel. The front nine is a sprawling, wide-open stretch featuring generous fairways with some tricky greens to navigate. The back nine has a more wooded feel that requires straighter tee shots; however the greens are a bit easier to navigate. While the par 4s & 5s offer enjoyable challenges, it is the par 3s that will likely show their teeth – especially since the Goodboys will likely be playing from the 6041 yards / 122 slope-rated back tees.

“I expect most of the Goodboys to make their handicap at Sagamore-Hampton on the tournament’s first day. It’s a good thing: they’ll need that as preparation for the challenges that will likely face them the remainder of the weekend. A wonderful choice by Goodboys Exec-Comm for the first day of play.”

“Good evening, I’m Kelly Tilghman here on Golf Channel’s special preview of the 2010 Goodboys Invitational. This year’s tournament marks the 20th time the Goodboys have gathered for a weekend of golf and fun, and here to join me in commemorating this august occasion and previewing all the drama and excitement to come is none other than my colleague: 6-time majors winner Sir Nick Faldo. Nick, the Goodboys Invitational turns 20 this year. Initial thoughts?

Sir Nick: Twenty years is a long time, Kelly. Next year the Goodboys will turn 21 and they’ll all be of legal age for drinking.

KT: That’s pretty hilarious, Nick. You’re a funny guy.

NF: Well, speaking of a truly “funny guy”, I for one can’t wait to see how all the action unfolds, and if “The Funny Guy” Andrusaitis and his partner “Crusher” Spielberg become the first repeat champions in Goodboys history. I think they have a good chance.

KT: So how does Sir Nick size up the field at this year’s Goodboys Invitational? You’ll find out when we come back. Keep us tuned right here.

—

(Commercial break)
(Commercial break)

—

KT: Welcome back to Golf Channel’s special preview of the 20th annual Goodboys Invitational. This year, like last year, the ‘Boys will be playing up in the Portsmouth, New Hampshire area – a beautiful place to play golf at a beautiful time of year for their 20th year. With the years flying by, Sir Nick Faldo, it’s hard to believe there are enough of these guys still alive to fill out one foursome, let alone three.

NF: What makes this year’s tournament so intriguing, Kelly, is that not only is long-time Goodboy “Dandy” Drewett back in the fold after a three-year absence, but he’ll be teamed with “Goose” Dwyer, so-called “Best Golfer To Have Never Won A Goodboys Invitational”. I know he’d love to get that monkey off his back – perhaps by being teamed with “Dandy” once again, something magical might happen. Of course, after a while one has to wonder, if “Goose” hasn’t won by now, when will he? I mean, it’s not as if he’s been paired with only slouches and idiots over the past twelve years, right?

KT: Maybe you’re right, Nick, but speaking of monkeys, I’m just bananas over that team of “Vegas” Clark and “Deuce” Doucette. They both have rock-solid games and I don’t see them doing anything else but tearing up those Goodboys Invitational courses like Barack Obama and his self-appointed czars are presently doing to the Constitution of this land. Can you believe it?

NF: Actually, Kelly, I think the proper term is “socialist”.

KT: I think you’re right there, Sir Nick. Golf Channel’s special presentation of the “2010 Goodboys Invitational Preview” will be back after this commercial break…

—

(Commercial break)
(Commercial break)

—

KT: Welcome back once again to Golf Channel’s “2010 Goodboys Invitational Preview”. I’m Kelly Tilghman along with Sir Nick Faldo. So, Sir Nick, let me get your sense about some of the other pairings in this year’s Goodboys Invitational, shall we? I like the team of “Vegas” and “Deuce”; you like “The Funny Guy” and “Crusher” to repeat?

NF: I really do, Kelly. I watched them play together earlier this year at Green Meadow G.C. up in Hudson, New Hampshire and they seem so confident in their play. I don’t see the history of no team ever repeating as Goodboys champions fazing these guys whatsoever. I believe if anyone can do it, they can.

KT: What about the team of “2 Times” Proctor and “Possum” Shepter”. Do they have a shot?

NF: Well I think the key here is for “2 Times” to play well and not let the pressure of a Goodboys weekend get to him. We all know “Possum” is going to shoot his 100, give or take a few strokes, so it will be up to “2 Times” to stay in his mindset, not get too far ahead of himself, and just play his game. I think they’ll do well, but I can’t see them winning.

KT: “Killer” Kowalski and “Doggy Duval” McLaughlin.

NF: This is a team I think could really make a move over the weekend. Both of them historically have been very consistent, so I see them probably staying pretty close to or below their numbers – which, as you know, is all you really need to do to win a Goodboys event. The only cloud on the horizon I see is “Killer” being so wrapped up in his wedding plans for this coming December that he’s not able to concentrate on his good form, resulting in him hooking the ball all over the place. If that’s the case, he may end up with a new nickname, “Streetwalker”.

KT: You mean like the nickname “The Funny Guy” always wanted to give the departed Mike “Doc” Frechette during his years as a Goodboy?

NF: Absolutely, Kelly. One of the “Founding Fathers” of the Goodboys Invitational. May he rest in peace.

KT: Indeed. You spoke a little earlier about “Dandy” Drewett and “Goose” Dwyer. How do you see their chances?

NF: Certainly, their winning would be the ‘feel good’ story of the year, wouldn’t it? I’m not saying they can’t do it – obviously, there’s enough talent there for them to win this year’s event. But I really don’t see them coming any closer than third – perhaps a distant second if the rest of the field collapses like the Killer / Gaylord team did back in ’92 at Killington.

KT: Right, the infamous “cheap bridge table” collapse where “The Funny Guy” and “The Great White Shank” came back from nearly impossible odds to win on the last hole of regulation. Which brings us to the last of this year’s pairings: “The Great White Shank” Richard and “Cubby” Myerow.

NF: Well I’m going to go out on a limb here and predict they finish dead last.

KT: Not much of a limb there, Nick…

NF: Well, no, but the fact is, they should be able to do better than several of the other teams. I mean, for gawdsakes, every day they step out onto the first tee, they’re already a whopping (and, I believe, record setting, 43 strokes ahead of “The Funny Guy” and “Crusher”. 43 strokes is a lot of strokes – even for them.

KT: So, you’re saying this team is not as bad as they would appear to be?

NF: Not at all. They are as bad as they appear to be.

KT: For sure. In just a moment we’ll be back with our predictions as to how each of these teams will finish in this year’s Goodboys Invitational. Who’ll be hot and who’ll be not? Stay tuned…

—

(Commercial break)
(Commercial break)

—

KT: Welcome back to this Golf Channel special presentation. OK, Sir Nick Faldo, it’s the moment of truth. Your picks for this year’s Goodboys Invitational, one through six:

NF: Kelly, I’m going with:

1. “The Funny Guy” and “Crusher” to repeat, followed by:
2. “Vegas” / “Deuce”,
3. “Killer” / “Doggy Duval”,
4. “2 Times” / “Deuce”,
5. “Dandy” / “Goose”, and:
6. “The Great White Shank” and “Cubby” finishing at the bottom.

KT: Me, I’m going with:

1. “Vegas” / “Deuce”,
2. “Killer” / “Doggy Duval”,
3. “Dandy” / “Goose”,
4. “The Funny Guy” / “Crusher”,
5. “2 Times” / “Possum”, and…
6. “The Great White Shank” and “Cubby”.

NF: At least we’re in agreement who finishes last. I think it will be a great tournament, and I personally can’t wait for it to start.

KT: Well that ends our Golf Channel special presentation of the “2010 Goodboys Invitational Preview”. A big ‘thank you’ to Sir Nick for joining me. Have a great night, everyone – keep it long and straight!