July 20, 2010

Today I’m heading back west, from the heat and humidity of Massachusetts to the heat and humdity of Phoenix. Similar consitions, just a different amount of broil from the sun. Can’t wait to see what my pool temperature will be – it’s been a very hot week since I left the Valley of the Sun more than a week ago. Got this from one of my AZ co-workers, thought you’d find it amusing. Consider it “Thirteen Things You Wouldn’t Know If You Didn’t Live In Phoenix”:

1. ‘Phoenix’ actually consists of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, Glendale, Peoria, Tolleson, Avondale, Goodyear, Litchfield Park, Sun City, Sun City West, Sun City Grand, Sun Lakes, Surprise, Laveen, Apache Junction, Gold Canyon, and half of the Mexican border.

2. The morning rush hour is from 4:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 9:00 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the Loop 101 (all highways out here are prefixed with “the” instead of “route” or “interstate” as they are back east), your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered ‘Wussy’.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest mufflers go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in the East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s an offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, rabbits, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and ‘the I-10’ are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway; Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. As are Northern and Shea. Also Glendale Ave. becomes Lincoln Drive. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans Memorial Highway. ‘The Superstition’ is also known as US 60. The 101, 202 and 303 remain a large mystery to most of us. The SR51 has recently been renamed to Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy to pronounce. SR101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, which is also The Black Canyon FWY and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. — but, Cactus Rd. doesn’t become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it has been ‘accidentally activated.’

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be ‘flipped off’ accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. Please note that there are many, MANY more issues to the phenomenon of driving in Phoenix– like the 4-cars-through-a-red-light rule — but these will at least get you acquainted with our unique life on the road.

Filed in: Uncategorized by The Great White Shank at 00:34 | Comments (5)
5 Comments »
  1. sorry I’ve been out of touch Doug. I enjoyed this list-esp. 2,7 and 10.

    Comment by Jerry "Keys" Palma — July 20, 2010 @ 8:27 pm


  2. sorry I’ve been out of touch Doug. I enjoyed this list-esp. 2,7 and 10.

    Comment by Jerry "Keys" Palma — July 20, 2010 @ 8:27 pm


  3. sorry I’ve been out of touch Doug. I enjoyed this list-esp. 2,7 and 10.

    Comment by Jerry "Keys" Palma — July 20, 2010 @ 8:27 pm


  4. Hi Keys, sorry you had to wait to get your comments posted. Now that you’re on the ‘approved’ list any comments you make here on out will show immediately.

    Sorry we didn’t get a chance to hook up while I was back for my golf week. I’ll let you know the next time I’m coming to town so we can hook up then. Hope all is well!

    Comment by The Great White Shank — July 20, 2010 @ 8:54 pm


  5. “Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.”

    Heheh.

    Comment by Dave E. — July 23, 2010 @ 5:02 pm


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