July 1, 2009

I’m sitting in a patio chair sipping a cold Caguama and looking at the lightning flashes to our southeast. Supposedly there are dust storms in the forecast for tonight; this might be the leading edge of one of them.

Yesterday I got an e-mail from one of my fellow project managers asking for answers to some questions being asked by one of our newest clients – one whom, ironically enough, I used to work for many moons ago, for the better part of twenty years. When I asked her who she happened to be working with there, the names she dropped created a tsunami of memories flooding through my mind. They were all former co-workers of mine, people I considered close friends, even family, for a good many years. Hearing those once-familiar names in such a different context, the distance and difference between who and where I am now, and who and where I was then, seemed so vast as to be almost unrecognizable. I suddenly felt old, washed up and burned out, and feeling as if I was living on the moon, looking back at my former home on earth.

You see, between 1979 and 1998, and then from 2002 through half of 2003, I was an integral part of that employer family. We were a tight-knit group: together we went through all sorts of corporate battles and upheavals, and personal changes together, and some of the people my co-worker mentioned used to actually work for me. Of course, like any relationship – professional or otherwise – over such a length of time we would have our ups and downs, but through it all we were more than just co-workers, we were family. It was a time and a place you rarely – if ever – see anymore.

I’ll admit the whole episode freaked me out. It took a good twenty minutes in the quite darkness of the pool surrounded by now-familiar sights, scents, and sounds just to regain some semblence of who and where I was, to regain some sense of presence I could grasp on to because I know if I didn’t it could mean a forever fall into some abyss I might never be able to crawl out from.

In that transcendent moment, my brain seemed lost somewhere back in the mid-’90s, my body was splashing around in 2009, and all I could think of is who I am and where I am now, and how little I feel a part of anything. I have a home, a wife, a bunch of funky rabbits, a job that demands 70+ hours a week, and some surf and tropical MP3s to keep me company and fill my days. But there seems no real end game here, no ultimate and underlying purpose to it all.

Recalling those Massachusetts days and my old job, surrounded by familiar surroundings, family, co-workers, and friends, everything then seemed to have substance, where it was meaningful or not. Out here, I’m just a stranger living amongst strangers, my connection to work, family, and friends dependent on electricity passing through a phone cord or Internet cable. Whether or not this is what and how it’s all supposed to be and end up, who knows? And maybe it’s better that way.

But for now it still feels like life lived in exile.

A hot breeze has suddenly kicked up, the palm trees are stirring, and the wind chimes are tinkling away happily. It appears that lightning is sliding to our east and north – too bad. Me, I’m grabbing myself another Caguama, and the pool awaits.

Filed in: Uncategorized by The Great White Shank at 22:24 | Comments (2)
  1. You and Tracey are practically like family to me and I miss you every day, especially around cocktail time. In my fantasy, I’d have you both in the condo next door…it has a huge concrete basement that rabbits cannot chew up..a gourmet kitchen where you can cook and a wonderful sun porch where Tracey can sip a martini and wait for you finish dinner.

    Comment by Jana — July 2, 2009 @ 3:39 pm

  2. Wow! That’s quite a fantasy. Well, maybe we’ll have to work out a visit your way or you out our way. One of these days…

    Comment by The Great White Shank — July 6, 2009 @ 11:35 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.


Search The Site

Recent Items


September 2021
April 2021
January 2021
December 2020
November 2020
October 2020
September 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006



4 Goodboys Only

Site Info