Not for Gilbert, Arizona, silly! But here in Atlanta they have a freeze warning up. The cold air feels good, even though I have to admit to being a little underdressed with my shorts and Hawaiian shirt when I checked into the hotel here just a few hours ago.
Not much time for fooling around this visit and seeing family and enjoying the fall weather – I have meetings all day today and tomorrow, and they put me on a plane so I’m back in Phoenix late tomorrow night. Just like working the salt mines…but at least I’m working. At least for now.
If there’s any problem with the economy I didn’t see it today. Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport was packed with people and families with young children, so there are people with money out there.
I’m watching the TV here and the abomination (soon, I’m afraid, to be called “Obamanation”) that is World Series Game 5. The game started in rain and wind, and there were times in the 4th and 5th innings where it looked as if they were playing baseball in a monsoon – except that the temperature was hovering around 40. Mercifully, they stopped the game in the sixth inning as the field was getting more unplayable by the minute.
Question: what kind of umpiring crew would allow the potential deciding game of a professional sports showcase event to be played under such conditions? Is Bud Selig forcing them to? If so, a pox on Major League Baseball, a sport successful in spite of its pathetic management.
The same goes for the National Football League. Actually, for all the major professional sports.
R.I.P. Dean Barnett – a wonderful blogger over at Soxblog and Townhall.com. A great guy, and a wonderful writer and family man, with a big Boston-area that was absolutely over the top on radio. He will be missed.
Here’s to a great nor’easter sliding up the Eastern seaboard the next couple of days. Man, to be staying on the Vineyard or Nantucket! This is absolutely the best time of year to be in New England. You get that first big coastal storm that knocks all the leaves off the trees just before (or just after) Halloween, the kind that tells you there’s a long winter ahead.
Sigh. My garage door opener replacement cost me $500 today. That’s $1K paid out in home repair in the last three days, but not a cent of it went on the credit cards. Dave Ramsey would be proud.
The answer to all our troubles comes from “across the pond”…this is a bit long, but worth the space.
Subject: a message for America (humour) Today at 7:43 am
——————————————————————————–
A message from the Queen…
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective immediately. You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford
English Dictionary.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except
Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Both houses of Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
———————–
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such
as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour,’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will
learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the
suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you
will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(Look up ‘vocabulary’).
———————–
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient
form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We
will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker
will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u’ and
the elimination of ‘-ize.’
———————–
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
———————–
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns
should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things
out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re
not ready to shoot grouse…
———————–
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
———————–
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same
time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the
benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will
help you understand the British sense of humour.
———————–
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have
been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
———————–
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
———————–
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation
on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of
the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands
will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be
sold without risk of further confusion.
———————–
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors
as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors
to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English
dialogue in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’ was an experience akin to
having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
———————–
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancy boys).
———————–
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a
world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will
learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to
take the sting out of their deliveries.
———————–
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
———————–
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
———————–
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and
cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
———————–
God Save the Queen!
Comment by Jana — October 28, 2008 @ 6:06 am
I like my July 4th off. 🙂
But I sure love the idea of afternoon tea. Brings back fond memories of staying at the old White Sands resort in Bermuda.
Comment by The Great White Shank — October 30, 2008 @ 10:41 pm
Don’t knock the cold weather, bro. Great time to sell Eddie Bauer down vests!
Comment by Dave Richard — October 31, 2008 @ 7:25 am