“Good evening, I’m Kelly Tilghman here on the Sprint Post-Game Show, where, if you don’t mind me saying, we could could care less what happened this past weekend at the stupid John Deere Classic – or, as we like to call it here at The Golf Channel – the “Dear John Classic”, because, as everyone knows, no one of any importance played there.”

(Group laughter and snickering)

“This week, all the golf world’s attention will be focused on Brewster, Massachusetts where the 18th annual Goodboys Invitational is about to take place. I’m joined here as usual by Brian Hewitt, Frank Nobilo, and the erstwhile Peter Oosterhuis for a preview of what promises to be yet another exciting Goodboys Invitational. Welcome, gentlemen.”

(crickets chirping)

FN: Ummm.. well, yes, of course you’re right, Kelly. It is the Goodboys Invitational weekend, and I for one can’t wait to see how all the action unfolds.

BH: What makes this year’s tournament so intriguing is the fact that last year’s champions, Steve “Killer” Kowalski and Doug “The Great White Shank” Richard chose not to defend their title, leaving the field wide open. I know I can’t pick a favorite team right now.

KT: Well, lets break those teams down and assess their chances then, shall we? Peter, Mike “Vegas” Clark and Ben “The Funny Guy” Andrusaitis – do they have a shot?”

PO: Well the big question is going to be “Vegas”‘ health and how well that elbow with the tendonitis holds up over two days of golf. One thing you can be certain of is that with “The Funny Guy” as a partner there won’t be a whole lot of peace and quiet surrounding him. When you play with “The Funny Guy” it’s not just the birds out there doing the chirping.

BH: I wonder if doing the bunny hop hurts your tennis elbow? (Brian is referring to the traditional “bunny hop” humilation bet, where the losing team has to bunny hop around the practice green, regardless of who may be out there at the time.)

PO: Believe me, it doesn’t.

FN: How would you know, Peter?

PO: I lost a bunny hop bet with Faldo over whether Kelly would lose her job over that Tiger Woods “lynch” comment.

(Frank, Peter, and Brian laugh. Kelly shifts uneasily in her seat)

KT (quickly changing the subject): Brian, is this the year Kevin “Goose” Dwyer wins his first Goodboys Invitational? Is this the year the so-called “Best Player To Have Never Won A Goodboys Invitational” finally gets that monkey off his back?

BH: Kelly, “Goose” Dwyer is ready for a break-out year, in my opinion. All the tumblers appear to have fallen into place for him – he has a top-flight partner in “Killer” this year, “Vegas” Clark has a bad wing, and, to top it off, he got a few extra strokes on his handicap from the Executive Committee as a result of his less-than-inspiring play over the past few years. That’s living right, I’ll tell you.

FN: So Brian, you’re saying that the only way “Goose” doesn’t win this year is if the other Goodboys lynch him in a back alley?

(Kelly’s face turns red)

PO: Of course, “Vegas” Clark is not the only Goodboy with health issues this year. Pat “Doggy Duval” McLaughlin is suffering from a pinched nerve in his back, and his ability to play well will be questionable.

FN: Right, Peter – it almost seems as if these guys are falling apart, and they’re not even old yet. You’ve only got two fully healthy teams – the “Killer” / “Goose” team and “The Great White Shank” and Ron “Cubby” Myerow. And in the case of the latter, I just don’t see a strong enough performance coming out of either of these guys to take the pressure off the other. The one good thing about this team is, with TGWS’ lefty slice and “Cubby’s” power pull, at least they’ll always be on the same side of the course…

KT: “The Great White Shank” has orange balls.

(Brian, Frank, and Peter stare at Kelly in silence)

KT: Ummmm….I mean “The Great White Shank” has changed to playing bright orange golf balls this year. Why is everyone picking on everything I say???

PO: Look, if the only five-time champion in Goodboys history wants to change the color of the balls he uses, he’s earned the right to do so. But it’s gonna take more than that to overcome that strong “Killer” /”Goose” tandem.

KT: That pinched nerve aside, Frank, do you see any hope for the “Doggy Duval” / Paul “Possum” Shepter team?

FN: I really don’t think so, Kelly. One look at both these golfers, and you see major issues involving their basic golf swing. Having a great golf swing is all about good rotation. Throughout the swing you need to keep the club in front of your body. To do this in perfect motion, rotate the club head, hand, and chest in synchronization. Visualize an imaginary dot on the club head, on the hands and mid-chest region. When you start to swing, imagine that you are following those three dots at the same rate of rotation.

BH: A viewer out there has just sent us an e-mail saying he’d like to visualize the dots on Kelly’s mid-chest region…

(Frank, Peter, and Brian laugh. Kelly shifts uneasily in her seat)

FN: That viewer might have been “Cubby” Myerow!

KT: Well there you have it, The Golf Channel’s Goodboys Invitational preview. Thanks to Frank, Peter, and Brian for joining me here on the Sprint Post-Game Show. Have a great night, everyone!