July 12, 2008

…continuing with the theme of yesterday’s post, courtesy of National Review Online’s Corner Blog, here are 23 absolutely, 100% tried, can’t miss pickup lines for Cubby (and anyone else out there) to give a try with.

These are actually pretty funny. Cinderella should be so lucky…

1. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. My name is _________.

2. Hi, can I buy you several drinks?

3. Inheriting 80 million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart!

4. You might as well come home with me because I’m going to tell everyone you did anyway.

5. You look like my second wife, and I’ve only been married once.

6. Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh never mind, it’s just a sparkle.

7. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

8. My boys over there bet that I wouldn’t be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money? (BTW, my favorite…)

9. I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

10. Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I’m kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you’re giving me your number because I’m too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other’s friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you’re stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I’m careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That’s just too sad. Think about the children. For God’s sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let’s just keep it sexual, because we both know where it’s going.

11. Greetings and salivations.

12. I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.

13. Did you see the fight outside a little while ago? These two girls were fighting over a short guy named [your name].

14. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

15. I bet you $20 you’re gonna turn me down.

16. Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. He’d like your phone number. He wants to know where he can get a hold of me in the morning.

17. (Give the person a pint of beer) Drink this, then call me when you’re ready.

18. I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

19. Excuse me, do you want a double entendre?

20. Is your husband still on nights?

21. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

22. You’re going to have to buy me a drink. [She: What for?] I dropped mine when I saw you.

23. There is something wrong with my phone. Could you call it for me to see if it rings?

—-

Good luck to Cubby and all you other lonely hearts out there!

Filed in: Goodboys by The Great White Shank at 01:21 | Comments (0)
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