Episcopal Church Bishop John Shelby Spong is damned lucky he lives in an enlightened 20th/21st century. Were he writing the kinds of books he has written four or five centuries ago he would have been burned at the stake or met some equally unsavory end like other heretics of his kind did. (Not I would ever have sanctioned such treatment for those like him, but you get the point.)

In my bookcase for several years I have kept two of his books – “Born Of A Woman”, and “Resurrection – Myth Or Reality”. (Not that I ever subscribed to any of his writings, but when you’re immersed in the priesthood process in a very liberal Protestant denomination you have to cover all your bases – no matter how unsavory they might appear to be.) In both books you’ll find the same old tired claptrap all too common in today’s post-modern (actually, anti-religion, anti-Christian) marketplace of ideas, dragged out once again for its intended “enlightened” audience. Read any of Spong’s garbage and you’ll see the same common thread found in virtually every anti-Christian screed of its kind: all the Gospel stories are myths promulgated by Jesus’ disciples to forward their own agenda, or, Jesus’ disciples were caught up in the whirlwind of his ministry, or they were delusional or uninformed saps, or these are simply stories passed down from an ancient, oh-so-unenlightened and – oh yes – male-dominated time in human history.

Unfortunately, Spong is not the exception in today’s Episcopal Church but the rule. From its petty, angry, and delusional Presiding Bishop on down, ECUSA’s power structure is polluted with apostate heretical believers who worship not at the altar of Jesus Christ, defending and promoting the Church’s traditional and orthodox teachings, but at the altar of post-modern socialist liberalism all in the name of tolerance, acceptance, and diversity.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that a heretic like John Spong is only able to sell the number of books he can because of his position as a bishop in the Episcopal Church, something he NEVER fails to emphasize on the jackets of his books – as if that’s supposed to mean something these days, right? How shocking!! Listen, if Spong were a ditch digger or an accountant his books would gather dust on the shelves. (Which, BTW, makes him not only a heretic but a hypocrite as well.) Never mind the fact that he ran the diocese under his care (Newark) into the ground; never mind that he should have been ex-communicated from the Church years ago for taking a very handsome salary for a position whose teachings he couldn’t ascribe to; never mind that he will get his own just reward when his time on earth is through.

But I digress…

Last week, I was looking at my bookcase and reorganizing it a bit when I saw these two books and thought to myself why on earth they were still there. After all, there is absolutely nothing in them I would ever, ever subscribe to in belief or practice – after all, one must look to one’s own soul. But what to do with them? I don’t believe in throwing out books or even burning them – I mean, there’s something about a book, especially a hardcover, that deserves a certain amount of respect, right? And it was then that the idea popped into my head.

So how do we deal with heretics in the Richard household? Well, since I’m a guy who resists the idea of promoting physical harm in any way – even for heretics like John Shelby Spong – I sought a more subtle, yet meaningful solution to my problem. And that’s why I chose a course of action any humble defender of the faith could do with a clear conscience: I donated those two books to creatures who would “digest” Spong’s message and give it all the respect his warped teachings deserve…

I donated them to Marble Junior and Cosmo.

Believe me, their appetite for the good bishop’s writings knows no bounds!