“The Great White Shank,
The Great White Shank,
Nobody listens to The Great White Shank” —
Goodboys Nation nursery rhyme

“The following was a post I put up a year ago September. Given all her failures and frustrations this year, all I can say is, “Hey Michelle, don’t say I didn’t warn you. But that’s OK, you’re not alone – nobody listens to The Great White Shank.”
— The Great White Shank

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So, teenage golf phenom Michelle Wie once again “barely” misses the cut competing in yet another men’s tournament – this time, shooting a 78-79 and finishing last in the field at the Omega European Masters.

And she’s “shocked”, shocked, I tell ya, that she played so badly:

Wie, who has now missed the cut in nine of her 10 attempts at taking on the men, said: “I’m still in shock. I didn’t know what sport I was playing.

“I couldn’t get any of my shots to go but things like today don’t scare me away. It makes me more motivated.”

She added that she was looking forward to the return of her coach, David Leadbetter.

“We have a lot of work to do!”

Wie added: “You have got to learn how to play men’s tournaments by playing men’s tournaments. If I just play women’s events I will just get better at women’s events.

Note to Michelle: “Denial” is a not just a river in Egypt. You see, I watched your play on TV the past two nights, and I hope you’ll listen to me when I tell you that you were in way, WAY over your head. You didn’t just play badly out there, Michelle, your play was A-B-Y-S-M-A-L. And take it from me, I know abysmal when I see it – heck, I live abysmal out on the golf course. (You don’t get a nickname like “The Great White Shank” whacking smooth darts from one end of the course to another and dropping putts like cats having kittens.)

Kinda reminds me of that priceless scene from the movie “Tin Cup” with Don Johnson (as David Sims) and Kevin Costner (Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy) at the bar following their first round at the U.S. Open :

SIMS: “Hello, Cup. I heard you put a monster number up there…”

TIN CUP: “…Could have been worse.”

SIMS: “You know, I played in a pro-am once with some asshole movie star, shot an 82… Tell me, how did a great ball-striker like you – a `legend’ – manage to shoot an 83?

TIN CUP: “Well, I missed a 4-foot putt on eighteen for an 82, that’s how…”

Now that’s funny. But what I saw the last two nights, Michelle – well, that wasn’t funny at all. I saw those quack hooks, you swinging out of your shoes, trying to hit drives like the big boys. I saw the ungodly positions you left yourself in, and your unwillingness to just take your medicine and what the course gave you. Instead, you tried to muscle your way around it and attempt finesse shots when smart” and “safe” should have been the order of the day. In short, you tried to match your male competitors shot for shot, and failed miserably. And you know why? ‘Cause you’re a 16-year old girl, that’s why.

No offense, Michelle, but I’m starting to get a little weary of all this men’s tournament crap when you haven’t even won on the women’s tour yet. And I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that every time you go out there and miss cuts shooting 78s and 79s, all you’re doing is taking slots away from male players who are just as capable as you are at going out there and stinking up the joint like you did these past two days.

At one time, you were a curiosity, an intrigue. Now, you’re starting to come across as a stubborn, spoiled teenager with little respect for the game or the professionals who play it. If your coach David Leadbetter had any sense, he’d sit you down and tell you about how the real world works out there. You see, just because you have all the talent in the world and a bright future ahead of you, that doesn’t by itself make you a winner. If you’re not careful, you might find yourself out there all by your lonesome some day, scorned by the men who won’t see you as some gifted teenager but as someone trying to take one of their paychecks, and by the women who won’t have anything to do with you because, whether intentionally or not, by pursuing fame and fortune in men’s events you’ve dissed their tour and all the hard work they’ve done to make it a success.

Listen to your Uncle Shank, cherie: go back to school and then to college, and enjoy your time as a young woman. Play some regular women’s tournaments and build yourself up a resume that includes some victories. Then, when you’re older, if you want to compete with the big boys, do so from invitations that reflect that resume, not from your ability to attract attention. Believe me, if you do this, you’ll be a lot happier (and a lot more successful) in the long run. If you don’t, you’re risking further ridicule and becoming a has-been before you’ve learned how to drive something other than golf balls.