September 20, 2007

Betcha didn’t know that Wednesday August 19th was “International Talk Like a Pirate Day” (TLAPD for short). Basically, it’s a day to celebrate anything and everything “pirate”, where people are encouraged to act like pirates and talk like a pirate in their daily discourse with friends and colleagues. So with that in mind (since I’m actually typing this on TLAPD), here is my pirate’s post for today:

“Avast ye hearties! There’s nothin’ like listenin’ to the captain of that bloody pirate ship the Red Sox, Capn’ [Terry Francona] Francoma, talk about his fadin’ team to make one thirst fer the grog! Shiver me timbers! Seems not only is Cap’n Francoma inept, he’s a scalawag as well! Just a few months ago when his crew was goin’ good, he was squawkin’ like a parrot on Long John Silver’s shoulder (“Bwaaak I’m proud of this team…”, “Bwaaak, J.D [Drew]’s too good a hitter to stay in this funk for long…, etc.), but now that things are goin’ to chum, he’s suddenly in denial, and defensive, surly, and curt with the reporters. A word to the skipper – if ye can’t stand the heat, get outta the galley! Denial is not a river in Egypt – yer’ ship is sinkin’ and ye still can’t see ye lost yer’ main mast and arrrr takin’ on water! Consider the following:

1) After denying for weeks that reliever Hideki Okajima wasn’t tired and hadn’t hit the perverbial wall in his first MLB season, Francoma today announces that Okajima has a ‘”tired arm” and is being given a few days rest:

Terry Francona, who has been maintaining for weeks that Hideki Okajima wasn’t tired, acknowledged this afternoon that Okajima has been shut down, probably for a few more days.

Francona offered no specifics, but when asked if it was anything more complicated than Okajima going through a “dead arm” period, he replied: “No, it’s not more complicated. We just felt it was the right thing to do.”

“We just felt it was the right thing to do.” Arrrrrr! Methinks the skipper has got the scurvy. Aye, what is he, bloody stupid? Anyone who has watched Okajima for the past several weeks could tell that the man needed a break from his floggings! But no, not Cap’n Francoma – he just kept on runnin’ the poor bilge rat out there. Now, with first place on the line and the Yankees chargin’ up their arses, he’s forced to shut Okajima down. Bloody ‘ell!

2) Cap’n Francoma says he’s going to stick with beleagured faux closer Eric Gagne in close games, even though Gagne has been spitting up his grog far more times than not – most recently, last night to spoil a fine outing by Jon Lester:

Francona also made it clear he plans to stick with the plan to use Eric Gagne as an eighth-inning setup man. When it was suggested that he was running out of time and needed to look for alternatives, Francona refuted that notion, saying, “Time isn’t running out. He could probably pitch five more times if we wanted. Or more. There’s a lot of baseball left. Ten games is a long time.”

Arrrrrrrrr! Aye, the only thing that wretched ba$tard is good fer right now is swabbin’ the deck like a good cabin boy would do! And, speaking of cabin boys swabbin’ the deck, Cap’n Francoma also refuses to push vacationing left-fielder Manny Ramierz into getting off his fat, lazy arse and get back in the starting lineup:

Francona defended Ramirez’s continued absence from the lineup, reiterating that the muscle continues to grab him while running. “Frustrated? I’m frustrated that we don’t have him back in the lineup. I told him that yesterday, ‘I said, ‘You’re so damn good we want you in there every day. It’s hard for me to give him a day off in the season, just because of his presence. But he’s just not ready to play. His work ethic has been very good.”

Arrrrrrrr! His work effort has been very good, huh? A question to the Captain: how many flagons of grog have you been drinkin’, matey? Why, if I were Red Sox management, you’d be tossed overboard with a one-way ticket to Davy Jones’ Locker! You seventh son of sailor, you!

What this crew and its manager needs is a good, swift kick in the butt! But the ship is sinkin’ and that sound of crickets chirpin’ you hear is the absence of any one of the veterans carin’ enough and willin’ to step up and say, ‘hop on me back, ye laddies! We’re gonna pillage and plunder our way to the 2007 World Series championship!’

Maybe Blackbeard had it right when he said, “Until morale improves, the floggings will continue…”

Filed in: Golf & Sports by The Great White Shank at 01:35 | Comments Off on Arrrrrrrr!
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