One of the funniest skits you’d see on the old ‘Tonight Show With Johnny Carson’ was whenever Johnny played the role of “Carnac The Magnificent”. As the skit always went, Johnny would hold an envelope up to the turban on his head, announce the answer to the question contained therein (to which sidekick Ed McMcMahon always repeated what he said), and then Johnny would tear open the envelope and come up with a humorous (and often slightly off-color) question.

My good friend Pasquale (a.k.a. “Mr. Waltham”) reminded me of a few of his jokes in an e-mail the other day, and I thought it would be worth sharing for a laugh:

Carnac: “A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou.”
Ed: “A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou.”
Carnac: “Name three things that have yeast.”

Carnac: “The Nestea Plunge.”
Ed: “The Nestea Plunge.”
Carnac: “What does the president of Nestea use when his toilet is stopped up?”

Carnac: “A, B, C, D, E, F, G.”
Ed: “A, B, C, D, E, F, G.”
Carnac: “What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?”

Carnac: “Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.”
Ed: “Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.”
Carnac: “What do you look for when you’re tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?”

Carnac: “Zippo Marx.”
Ed: “Zippo Marx.”
Carnac: “What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?”

Carnac: “Touchback.”
Ed: “Touchback.”
Carnac: “What’s the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?”

Carnac: “Kitchy-kitchy-koo.”
Ed: “Kitch-kitchy-koo.”
Carnac: “What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?”

Carnac: “Big Ben, Joe Namath, and a candidate’s campaign promises.”
Ed: “Big Ben, Joe Namath, and a candidate’s campaign promises.”
Carnac: “What is a clock, a jock and a crock.”

All pretty funny, and far cry from a lot of what goes as “humor” on TV nowadays. Thanks, Pasquale!