May 8, 2007

caddy With the 2007 Goodboys Invitational just a little over two months away, the Goodboys are starting to check in from all over and the e-mail chatter is starting to percolate. Here’s a little golf wisdom for all you linksters out there, courtesy of fellow Goodboy Mike “Vegas” Clark:

* Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

* Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

* When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

* If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

* The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about your golf swing.

* No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

* The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors. If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.

* Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

* A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.

* It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty-foot putt. For an 8.

* Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

* Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

* It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

* The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

* There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

* (A Great White Shank’s favorite, BTW): You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.

* If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

* Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

* When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

* Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore
the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

More coming in a few days. Thanks, Vegas!

Filed in: Goodboys by The Great White Shank at 01:30 | Comments (0)
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