With apologies to FOX News’ Bill O’Reilly:

* When you have an elderly woman in your neighborhood masquerading as a vampire, you can’t just sit there and do nothing…

* And let this be a lesson to you farmer wannabes out there – when the cows need to be milked you better milk them, lest you find yourself in over your head. Or, even worse, without one!

* That’s the sad part about cute, cuddly baby animals – they grow up to be mean and nasty beasts.

* Hillary Clinton – a candidate for the little people. ‘Nuff said.

* Their legs are long, their eyes big, their bodies curvaceous. And why should they not be? After, it’s a camel beauty pagent we’re talking about here. I wonder what kinds of questions they have to answer… Here’s mine: one lump or two?

* Believe me, I have my beefs with the Republicans in Washington, but when it comes to pure political lunacy, you just can’t beat the Democrats. Consider this: long-time syndicated liberal columnist David Broder (whose work I’ve always enjoyed, if not always agreed with) pens a column critical of Harry Reid and his fellow “Defeatocrats” for their recent “lose the war” strategy. So how do the clueless Dems treat this highly-respected dean of Beltway political journalism? They trash him! (Hat tip: The Ace). I swear, these guys are as dumb as fenceposts…

* But the most ridiculous item for today goes to this story: Seems disgraced NJ governor Jim McGreevey (yes, he who resigned after admitting he was cheating on his wife and kid with a gay lover he kept on the state payroll) now wants to be – you guessed it! – an Episcopal priest (my boldings):

Former Gov. James E. McGreevey has started the process to become a priest in his newly adopted Episcopal faith and hopes to begin a three-year seminary program in the fall.

McGreevey, who often described himself as a devout Catholic while in public office, was officially received into the Episcopal religion on Sunday, at St. Bartholomew’s Church in Manhattan, and is now part of the church’s “discernment” phase that usually precedes any seminary work, said the Rev. Kevin Bean, vicar at St. Bartholomew.

“This process that he’s in right now, is not going to be some snap of the finger, overnight process. That will not happen. That’s not how it works. He knows that,” Bean said. “And so at the parish level, and at the diocesan level, everyone knows that this is a process that … intentionally is deliberate. You don’t enter into it unadviseably.”

McGreevey has already applied to the renowned General Theological Seminary in Manhattan and is awaiting word of whether he has been accepted to the program there, according to two people familiar with McGreevey’s plans, who declined to be identified because McGreevey has not formally announced his plans.

As you may or may not know, I’ve been involved in a number of discernment processes in the Episcopal Church (on both sides of the table, in fact), and the vicar at St. Bartholomew is right – it ain’t no overnight process. But that’s not what makes this ridiculous – by any stretch.

…And it’s not even the fact that someone with such an obviously-checkered past should be allowed to discern his supposed calling to the priesthood in an Episcopal diocese, even if that diocese (Newark) is arguably the most liberal in the Church, with more than a few problems of its own. (Although that, in itself, may tell you something right there…)

No, the most ridiculous part of this story is the fact that the guy has just been received into the Episcopal Church and started his discernment at the parish level, and yet he’s already applied for admission to seminary, with hopes to start in the fall! That, my friends, is what they call chutzpah!

Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Perhaps McGreevey has already worked his own personal deal with a gay-friendly bishop in a very gay-friendly diocese, but I can tell you, bishops don’t appreciate candidates for the priesthood making their own plans for seminary – especially prior to having their calling affirmed by someone. And if the guy thinks, just days after being received into the Episcopal Church, that he’s going to seminary this fall – well, that’s the very definition of ridiculous.