A few baseball-related thoughts and observations one week into the season:

* I know an easy way to clear up this latest Curt Schilling/bloody sock controversy. Let’s do a DNA test on the sock and announce the results publicly. Like the late Johnny Cochrane would say, if the sock fits, you must acquit! And if, in fact, it turns out to be the Schill-man’s blood, Oriole broadcaster Gary Thorne should publicly wear a dress, admit he’s a jerk, and go back to calling games for a crummy team that will go nowhere fast for yet another season.

* If Coco Crisp does indeed go on the DL, I say it’s time for the Sox to bring up minor-league phenom (and Johnny Damon lookalike) Jacoby Ellsbury and play him for a couple of weeks. Not only will be good exposure for the kid at a no-pressure time of the year, but he’d be an ideal platoon with Wily Mo Pena, who tonight broke a 1-for-15, 9 Ks streak with a 3-5 (including a grand-slam) performance against the Orioles. I still think the Bronson Arroyo trade that brought Pena to Boston was the worst of GM Theo Epstein’s tenure, and that sooner or later they’ll find a taker for Wily Mo in return for pitching.

* If you’re the Dodgers, you’ve got to be concerned about Jason Schmidt and all that money invested in him.

* But I still think the Giants giving Barry Zito, and KC Gil Meche, all that money were bigger mistakes. But time will tell.

* I’m betting the house, the farm, and that Masters 2007 baseball cap I got from my friend Lynn that Roger Clemens pitches for the Yankees starting in July.

* …which probably means ‘dude decides to retire.

* Hanley Ramirez is already a great player, but to get something good you have to give up something good, and I’m glad the Sox have Josh Beckett for the top of their rotation for years to come.

* I can’t stand the fact that John Miller, Joe Morgan, and – for that matter – all the dopes over at ESPN want to promote Barry Bonds’ pursuit of Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record as something news-worthy. The guy’s been a noted juicer and a pox on the game, and his career numbers are already tarnished. As far as I’m concerned, the more Bonds’ work is ignored, the better of the game will be.

* So L.A. Times sportswriter Mike Penner feels the need to tell his audience that he is a transsexual. Never mind the fact that someone’s sexual identity ought to be his own business and stay off the pages of his newspaper. But I’m just wondering if his announcement means we can now officially call him a switch-hitter…