“Hi everyone! Troy Donahue here, coming to you from the Great Beyond. The Great White Shank asked me to guest blog under his name ’cause he’s out in the pool right now chillin’ and tryin’ to figure out how best to trim the lemon tree his neighbor complains is extending a whole 8″ – can you imagine that! – over the wall their properties share.

“Which is cool, ’cause nobody ever has asked me to guest blog for anyone. Sure, I had my time as a teenage heart-throb in A Summer Place and Surfside 6, but this gig – especially since I thought my time was up when I crossed over five years ago – is something special for me, and I hope you too.

“The Way We Were? …no I’m not talking about the Babs Streisand movie (never saw it), or that “blockbuster blab-fest” on Princess Diana the ‘Shank posted on the other day (never read it). Nope, I’m talking about the tune sung by the immortal Gladys Knight and the Pips so many years ago. Before actually singing the song, Gladys started out in a wistful groove, as follows:

Hey, you know everybody’s talkin’ about the good old days
Everybody, the good old days, the good old days…
Well, let’s talk about the good old days
Come to think about it –
As bad as we think they are
These will become the good old days of our children

Why don’t we try to remember
The kind of September
When life was slow and oh so mellow
Try to remember
And if you remember
Then follow

“You see, Gladys is singing to me, you, and everyone in Red Sox Nation (yes, there is another “nation” besides the Goodboys, so I hear!) willing to listen in these darkest of days, amidst the follies and failures of this year’s Red Sox team. Remember, this was a team that a scant seven weeks ago was riding high atop the American League East, thrilling cats and chicks alike with their timely hitting, exceptional defense, and able-bodied pitching. The same team that, since the All-Star break, has gone 6-18 to sink and run with the mudders and also-rans of Major League Baseball. With a $140 mil budget, no less. Personally, from channeling with TGWS, I know the cat blames Theo ‘N.Ept’stein and Manny, but I’m sure he’ll get back to you on that another time.

“Because, like Gladys sings, September is not supposed to be like this…

“September should be a month for scoreboard watching, wondering who the Sox will be playing in the ALDS’ first round, and how Tito is gonna get his starting rotation in order for the crucial first games of the division playoffs. September should be the month for debating the Big Papi/Derek Jeter MVP controversy as the teams go to-to-toe down to the wire. And, more than anything else, September should be the month for stocking up on every kind of mind-numbing alcoholic beverage you can think of – anything to make those Yankee butt-kissing, toe-sucking announcers on FOX and ESPN at least tolerable.

“September is NOT for watching a rotation of Beckett, Snyder, Tavarez and God-knows-who else pitch in the Yankees series this weekend. Hell, even I know it could be Moe, Larry, and Curly, or Rodan and the cast of Hawaiian Eye (they were OK, but not as good as our ‘Surfside 6’ cast), for all the good it would do.

Memories like the corners of my mind
Memories
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were

“Here in the Great Beyond, the ocean breezes are always fresh, the surf never stops, and there’s always Myers’ Rum to go with your OJ in the morning. I’m sure Mr. Shank will be driving home tonight on the 202, A/C cranked, sunglasses firmly in place, wondering: a) when he’ll be able to drive home on the 202 WITHOUT needing his A/C cranked and his sunglasses firmly in place, and b) whether its worth it or not to catch the end of the Sox game on his Direct TV, knowing it no longer matters whether the Sox win or lose, and that there’s so many other options on the tube, like “Backyard Japanese Gardens Made Easy!” and “Cold Case Files – Michelle Wie’s Golf Game“. Dude knows this is a sad time, and I hope you’ll join me in comforting him and every other Sox fan you know, given the sad state of their baseball team this month.

“Well, it’s time for me to be off. See you again soon. Adios, everyone!

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“One final note: If you’re interesting in guest-blogging for The Great White Shank while he’s vacationing in Hawaii (Sept. 24-Oct. 2), please let him know. Rob‘s already on board, and it’s a perfect way to try this blogging thing out on your own, or bring more exposure for your own site and interests. And, the WordPress software is VERY easy to use. If interested, drop him a line at darichard@att.net.”